So its been awhile since I blogged anything, but it certainly hasn't been uneventful here.
First, after speaking to SEVERAL parents that are homeschooling, I've decided to give Sean some time off and will begin probably Early February. In the meantime, he is doing daily reading and math games, and we try to incorporate science. The iPad is our asset for sight words, spelling, etc. He is already quite a bit relaxed, minimal behavioral issues (although late afternoon does prove a bit challenging....maybe he needs a nap?) However, once a week, we still go to the school for his weekly "therapy" session with the Behavior people. HE HATES IT!!! He cries there; talks about how much he dislikes it, and within a short time I am being called to the room because he is hiding under a desk, refusing to work, and visibly upset/crying/meltdown mode. UGH!!! I try to explain to them that we don't have those problems at home; that he works and if we hit a roadblock we take a 5 minute break, and resume the activity. And I swear she looks at me like I have an alien coming out of chest. Total "whatever" attitude. So that is something I will be looking at changing--providers, methods, something....
However, on the way to lunch I was talking to him about what happened. Granted his perception is ALWAYS a bit skewed (he frequently perceives things differently than the general consensus), He says to me that He has NEVER liked her. I said I understand that--that there are people I don't always like either, but I have to suck it up until its appropriate to let it out. And I also understood that sometimes work is just too much. He looks at me and says, "mom, I hate myself when I can't hold it together. It makes me sick, no one likes it, and I can't make it stop." Just broke my heart to hear that---But I again reassured him that I do things often that make me cringe at myself as well---What? he ponders. I said, Like when I lose my temper with you because I'm tired or I don't get it. I hate that....It makes mommy feel bad, hurts both our ears, and nobody is happy. He says, yeah, I don't really enjoy that either :). So we drive in silence for a few--then he looks at me and says mom, I love you with my whole heart. I said, I'm glad---I love you more that anything. He says---Mom, I love you because you love me even when I'm unlovable and hate my own self.
WAIT a MINUTE_____Did you SEE that PERSPECTIVE?? You Love ME when I'm UNLOVABLE.....I had to fight back the tears on that one. From an early age Sean has ALWAYS shown me a different perspective--an eye opening one. For this, Autism is such a blessing to me.
And not to leave the Teenager out---Can we say Holy Cow what a maturity he showed over the Holiday? He loves his brother deeply but struggles with how intrusive and demanding he can be. He spends part time with us and part time with his father--which is AMAZING because it gives him a break and keeps the peace. But, I was getting ready to take Sean to grandma and the Teen says, Mom I can watch him. WHAT??? Are you sure? It won't be too much? Nope mom, I've got this. And he did---He was the most AMAZING brother a kid could ask for. He played games, fixed meals, wrestled, harassed and made Sean feel special.
I've also found out things from other parents that have solidified my decision to homeschool Sean. He had told me there was bullying, abuse, etc going on and occasionally had bruises as well as significant behavioral changes. Over the holiday, a parent called me and asked me who Sean had as a teacher. I told her and she said, well I want you to know what I saw in the hall at school. I saw Sean being drug down the hallway by a teacher who had both of her hands tightly gripped to one of his. He wasn't being loud, ugly, or mad and yet this is the way she was walking with him. Just thought you'd like to know. WOW--I had suspicions but it makes ya feel validated when another parent says something.
So this year will be big and scary but God has provided so much for us already and I KNOW he will continue to. I'm looking to change jobs so that I can have my days freed up to be with Sean and take care of school/therapy/docs/etc. I'll try to keep you posted. Until then, I am SO proud of him and his progress this last month. I am a truly blessed mom
