Maybe a light at the end of the tunnel....(or at least a crack in it)

At the end of the school year last year, we had regressed so much that Sean spent approximately 1/6th of the semester suspended due to uncontrollable behaviors.  He was defiant; physically aggressive; and really obnoxious to be around.  I felt like all the steps forward we'd been making were for naught and was so overwhelmed by his regression.  The school was pushing for residential/psychiatric placement and I was arguing it was something more than than but couldn't prove it.

I long have thought there was a presence in his life that was pulling out behaviors but I had no proof and, lets face it, my sweet boy had built quite the name for himself.

But this year, I am being stopped by teachers and kids alike to hear PRAISE reports on Sean.  The presence that was there last year is gone; and the smiles I missed are back.  Not that we are without the occasional meltdown, but he is able to regroup and return to task with minimal effort.  Instead of requiring his hand held and constant at "arm's length" monitoring, he is now going from area to area unsupervised and doing it the correct way (quiet, walking, purposeful).  I am astounded by his changes.  I am joyful at the answered prayers.  I am amazed at what he's managed to learn already in just 2 weeks of school.  And just this week he discovered he can and wants to make his own HEALTHY lunch.

But I must admit that I am scared.  I am that mother that hovers; that shields him from the world and the world from him.  This growth is very hard for me because it is forcing me out of the web of comfort and concealment that I had created for us out of necessity and making me put faith in my son's budding independence/maturity.  How do parent's do it?  How do you know that you child is going to be okay or to make the right decisions?  How do you know he's not going to  have a bad day and the next you receive an "anonymous pissed of mother letter?"   YOU DON'T and that is terrifying to me.  I hate the unknown; I hate surprises.  I want to be able to glow in his successes but somewhere in the back of mind is always that fear, that doubt.

I am working hard to cut the apron strings to my sweet baby boy.  It is hard; it is joyous; and it is life changing.  I am seeing a glimpse of the future I always felt was there, but never was quite close to achieving.  My baby boy is going to be independent; he is going to be a successful, creative mind that gives to society an irreplaceable contribution--HIMSELF.